Invisible Loyalties

We live in an age of anxiety, fear of violence and questioning of fundamental values. Confidence in traditional values is being challenged. Waves of prejudice seem to endanger our trust in one another and our loyalty to society. Television and other communications media have perhaps too deeply affected the outlook of contemporary youth and young adults. There is much talk about a “generation gap,” making one wonder if formative family experience has become obsolete and irrelevant. The “strength” of family relations or their effect on individuals is extremely difficult to measure. The authors of this book believe that observable changes in the family do not necessarily alter the memberto- member impact of family relationships. The real forces of bondage or freedom are beyond observable power games or manipulative tactics. Invisible loyalty commitments to one’s family follow paradoxical laws: The martyr who doesn’t let other family members “work off” their guilt is a far more powerfully controlling force than the loud, demanding “bully.” The manifestly rebellious or delinquent child may actually be the most loyal member of a family.